the vomit feeling.

i have so much i feel that i need to write down. i feel like i could vomit emotions and its killing me.

• the grammy's
• jax
• disappointment

i learned multiple things from watching the grammys.

• justin bieber is only loved by teen girls.
• carrie underwood has dropped off the face of the earth.
• usher is as sexy as all get out!
• katy perry still rocks my socks and always will.
• miranda lamberts songs make me cry.
• me and jaden smith are getting married.
• music makes the world go round.

jax.

we have definitely grown apart since he has gone to pg and it pains me inside. he never listens to my stories anymore. i feel like he isnt even there for me anymore. people dont comprehend how close me and jax used to be. like literally we would sit and my bed and just talk about EVERYTHING. and i felt like he wanted to listen to my stories; like he cared what was going on in my life. i remember on instance we just sat and my bed and cried together cause we missed mom so much. now i cant even get some sympathy outta the kid. he appears so invested in other people, and he's not even my best friend anymore.

i'm a disappointment.

this whole situation has made me realize i will never be the ideal daughter in law. either i dont have high enough standards or i didnt score high enough on the ACT or the fact that i'm just all around not good enough. i wish she'd actually take two seconds and get to know me. ask me how much i care about their son. ask me what i look for in a future husband. ask me how much he has been there for me through the last year and a half. stop judging me based on past situations. i could make the whole situation easier on everyone; you just wont let me.

hows that for word vomit.