unfair.

i dont care what anyone says. its not fair. when i'm down i do absolutely anything i can do bring myself more down. i know, depressing. but i dont care. i start crying and immediately i start thinking of others things that make tears flood from my eyes.

its not fair that my mom got cancer when i was 11. its not fair theat she had to have surgery and i had to "say bye" to her. its not fair that it went away and came back when i was 14. its not fair that she had a tumor in her pelvis. its not fair that she was in such excruciating pain. its not fair that my mom died when i was 15. its not fair that my dad started dating two weeks later; not only started dating but found who he was going to marry right away. its not fair that we had to act like everything was okay. its not fair that my dad got remarried when i was sixteen. its not fair that i have to live with these people. its not fair that everyday i have to wake up and just survive. its not fair that i havent had consistant friends since elementary.

but you know what. life isnt fair. i chose this. i was the one who chose to come down here and put up with trials that i know would almost kill me. i make my life hard on myself. if i would have a good attitude and just know that i will be a better person through all this, i will be okay.

i'm so lucky i grew up in a family strong in the church. i'm so lucky to have the amazing siblings i have. i'm so lucky to have a twin. i'm so lucky that my dad has an amazing job. i'm so lucky i've never had to worry about money. i'm so lucky to have had 15 years with my mom. i'm so lucky to have lucy. i'm so lucky that i found cam at the time i did. i'm so lucky i got to have braces. i'm so lucky for the life i live.